The Abbot and the Teacher 2

In “The Abbot and the Teacher 1,” I wrote that Benedict’s thoughts on the abbot’s character in chapters 2 and 64 of the Rule have impacted my understanding of my vocation as a teacher. I can trace this impact back to a meeting I had with one of the sisters of Sacred Heart Monastery here in Yankton. She had devoted her life to Benedict’s way and to education. And in 2018, she had the responsibility to look over my evaluation of my own teaching. After looking at my materials, she called me to her office to talk.

Things started off great. I’d been at the university for a little over a year. I was still huffing the fumes of my doctoral program’s rigor. And so I had the unsurprising idea that my students would be transformed into new creations if they’d just submit to me. I was sure Sister could see all this in my evaluation. She congratulated me on finishing a year of teaching. And she talked about my research agenda and the fact that I’d recently published an article in an academic journal.

I was feeling satisfied with myself.

Then she said, “Jason, your students are afraid of you.”

I frowned.

“And I’m with you. I’d rather start off scary and then back off than the other way around. But the students here are scared to take a class with you. What are you going to do if no one signs up for your sections?”

I frowned.

“Benedict says that you should give the strong something to strive for and the weak nothing to fear. I think it’s in chapter 64 somewhere. You should read it. That verse really helped me in my own teaching.”

My eyebrows lifted, and she sent me on my way.

I know what it’s like to be a scared student. The first time I handed a poem to my writing mentor in undergrad, I thought I was going to throw up. My first graduate paper in critical theory made my guts flutter. My early doctoral classes in theology made me feel like a fraud about to be found out. I struggled to look some of my professors in the eye. During my dissertation defense, I wanted to disappear completely.

But I was carried through all this by loving teachers who wanted me to work hard and without fear. They knew fear would get in the way of the hard work. I’m so sorry I couldn’t immediately translate my own experience of fear into wisdom for my own students. But I’m grateful Sister caught me as early as she did. She set my feet on a different path.

That line about the strong and the weak is at 64:19. It follows twelve inspired verses that continue to challenge my vocation as a teacher. In my next few posts, I’ll walk through those verses. It’ll be good therapy for me and hopefully a tribute to all the teachers who gave me something to strive for.